Josh and I were married on November 1, 2003. We had a daughter in July of 2007. Her name is Michaelina and she is such a blessing. I am forever greatful to the Lord for giving me the gift of her. I had no idea that having a child would be a difficult task. Since then I have had three miscarriages in 18 months. My first one occurred in September of 2010. I wasn't very far along with that one, about 7 weeks to be exact. I was completly devestasted. It took me awhile to move past that hurt, but with the encouragement of my husband and the Lord's strenth, I made it through. I had another miscarriage the following July (2011). From the get go, I knew something was not right with this prenancy, plus I was a little leary from my previous pregnancy. We lost the baby around 5 weeks. Although, both of the losses were difficult, we never saw or heard a heartbeat, so that did make it somewhat better.
The last one, however, was different. It happened the next March (2012). I was 10 weeks along and we had seen the heartbeat and just new we were in the clear. God had different plans though. A D&C was performed with all three micarriages, which was such a surreal thing. Our hospital is so small, there is only one surgical room. The same place I gave birth to our daughter via a C-section was the very same place that three babies were taken from me. Very tough to know you've been pregnant 4 times and have one child to show for it. Although, I am very blessed for my one! And extremely thankful!
After the 3rd miscarriage we decided that we should have some testing done to see if it is genetic. I wasn't ready to try again, but wanted to know if there was something wrong. I also decided to get back on birth control during this time. So off to the fertility clinic we went.
I started the birth control the last week of March and by May 31st I was in the hospital with pulmonary embolisms. I stayed in the hospital for 9 days. I had the blood clots due to the birth control pills. And come to find out the testing we had done at the fertility clinic showed that nothing is genetically wrong. So, we still are not sure why the miscarriages occured except for the fact that God is in control and His will was done.
Our lives do not belong to us. This precious daughter of mine does not belong to me. She belongs to the Lord. She is just a gift to me. Christ spared my life in the summer of 2012. The blood clots could have easily moved to my heart or brain, but they didn't. God has a purpose and plan for our lives. We just have to listen to that still small voice, knowing that He is in control and that we are never alone.
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